I feel like if women were more honest, we'd talk about how devastatingly difficult having a child is. Instead of asking about the baby, we might ask... "do you need help?" "a shoulder to cry on?" "what changes have you gone through recently?" "what nourishes you lately?" "are you meeting your needs? What are your needs?"
domestic life is challenging, and i'm coming from a single mom, lots of help from my own mother, lucky enough to spend quality time with the baby perspective. a privileged perspective. admittedly, i'm ranting, but please. why don't we talk about how difficult this is? the breast feeding, the rooting every night, sleeping on one side of your body, not sleeping at all, the fits, the tantrums, the attachment..never a dull moment. i used to meditate and practice yoga every day, hah! i'm lucky if i get 20 minutes to breathe. i'm writing this after he falls asleep, and i'm exhausted, but i need to feel like i have my own life, too. that i'm still my own person, a woman with an identity separate from mother.
and how powerful this identity is.
i'm changed. i'm challenged. i'm new, i'm old. i hurt, i cry, but i feel the deepest, most solid love i've ever felt. the english language doesn't quite describe this love. it's more than love, its a deeply spiritual connection, someone you know from lifetimes ago.
i'd die for this little human, i'd do anything for him. isn't that what a mother is supposed to do? yet...
i think of Adrienne Rich, Of Woman Born. She spoke honestly. More women are. There are books out there, stories of how HARD it is, married, single, co-parenting, whatever.
sending you love, fellow mothers. what a glorious, painful path to walk.